How to Live in Paris for a Year: Setting a Goal That Scares You (Part 2)

Part 2 of a series

The dream of living in Paris for more than a week’s vacation firmly landed over the fence into goal territory when I started to take it seriously, when I gave the dream the respect and attention it truly deserved. That shift took place when I collected enough details to not only clarify and deepen the picture, but also to start to give it some form and structure.

Paris houses

So here’s Step 2 to making your SOMEDAY dream a REALITY:

Learn what you need to learn!

Now that you’ve drawn the picture of your SOMEDAY dream, it’s time to start filling in the little details and developing a strategy for making it a reality.

This part of the process can be started without any money and even without having every single detail drawn in. You will learn things along the way that might lead to small adjustments or big changes to your original picture. That’s the point of doing this – to gain clarity on what you really want to do.

You see, as you start to create the clearer picture of your someday dream, some of the things that popped up immediately will give way to new information that fits you better. It’s sort of like shopping for a nice outfit to wear to a special event. You set off to the mall with an idea of what you want to find. But once you get there, you see other items that you may not have thought of, or you didn’t think would look like you wanted, until you start taking things off the rack and trying them on.

Start to do some research on what it will take to put some brick and mortar into your dream. If you dream of having an oceanside yoga retreat center, start to troll the real estate listings for commercial properties that are in the right location. Find out about the business and zoning guidelines for the communities in which you want to do business. Do you want to own your own facility or partner with an existing center that doesn’t offer what you love to teach?

As you start to get some details, they will lead to more details. The picture will start to become clearer, your creative juices will start to flow, and the picture might take on a new form. As I started to research what it would take to live in Paris, I found that I could live much cheaper in the smaller villages of France, and even in some other countries. By pursing Step 2, I got the opportunity to ask myself, “did I want to live on the cheap or was the experience of Paris more valuable to me?” That expanded my dream in ways I would not have known if I hadn’t started to take it seriously.

I bet that once you start getting more information and filling in more details, you’ll start to see your dream closer than you originally thought possible. And remember, everything is learnable! (You can tweet that one, just add @kimschuld)

Posted in Featured, Finding Your Path, Goals and Dreams, Taking Control of Your Life

How to Live in Paris for a Year: Setting a Goal That Scares You (Part 1)

I’ve arrived in Paris! Paris in Spring
Not the way I had planned, but here nonetheless with one change of clothes and 8 pairs of shoes. (Going on day 6 and still waiting for the final piece of lost luggage to be delivered.)
But I have made it and am beginning a year (or more) in Paris. This is part of a journey that really began when I was a teenager. But for far too many years, it was only a “someday” dream. It was something that seemed out of reach and actually scared me a little with how much it would take to pull off!
So how did it become my reality life?
The changeover from “someday” dream to reality happened when I set this as a GOAL – a dream with a specific framework that included a deadline. The first “goal” I set was to live in Paris or the south of France and run my coaching business and write my books “within five years.”

But here’s the thing with goals, they have to be specific. When I told a friend I still had “finding love” on my goal list, I started receiving all varieties of love gifts on my back porch from the neighborhood stray cat. It was love alright, just not in the form I wanted. It wasn’t until I read The Soulmate Secret and get really specific about what I wanted my human love to be like that I met Sam.
The same holds true for living in Paris, or for any other far-fetched dream you have collecting dust on a high closet shelf. Saying I wanted to live in Europe within five years was not a goal. When I put a time frame on it of 18 months, and then specified Paris as the first place to live, the rest started to come into focus. So here is the first step for you to make your crazy-wild-haired-are-you-kidding-me dream come true no matter what it is.

Write down in as much detail as you can imagine what your SOMEDAY DREAM is all about.

Here are a few prompts to help you:
• Where in the word are you? What does it look like?
• What’s the smell in the air?
• Who is with you? People you already know or people you need to meet?
• How old are you? What do you look like? How do you dress?
• How do you feel physically? What’s your day to day life like?
• When did you first feel this way about this dream?
• Who do you need to meet for learning or for a partnership to make this dream a reality? (Go for broke here! If you need Richard Branson as your partner, write his name down!)

If you don’t have any details around your dream, we can’t get it out of the SOMEDAY box and into a DONE DAY box. Be as clear as you possibly can right now and add in more details as they come to you through the process.

I’ll share the rest of the story in the next few blogs. To see how else I can help you love your life and your journey, sign up for my newsletter at www.thelifejourneycoach.com.

Posted in Contentment and Happiness, Featured, Goals and Dreams, Taking Control of Your Life

HOW TO STOP BEING A SHOULDAHOLIC

I’m not really a workaholic, but I am definitely a “shouldaholic.”

 

I say I am not a workaholic because I can waste time like no one’s business and procrastinate with the best of them. But I am a “shouldaholic” because even when I try to slow things down, my mind is racing about the things I “should” get done.

 

While I was recently laid up to recover after surgery, I finally got to a day when the pain meds weren’t necessary and I was sufficiently bored of watching Netflix. That’s when the “shoulds” started to sing in my head.

  • You SHOULD be reading something that will challenge your brain. overwhelm post its
  • You SHOULD be writing your blogs and newsletter.
  • You SHOULD be meditating and communing with God.
  • You SHOULD be working on getting the records finished for taxes.

 

It took a great deal of awareness of my thinking to turn them off.

 

As an entrepreneur, I am always “on” in some way or another. I don’t have the luxury to be able to leave my work at the office when I carry my office around in my head and live with it in the place where I sleep.

 

And I know that many of you are the same way. You may have started your own business, or decided to be an independent contractor, because you just knew that you weren’t really “good employee” material, and even while you’re driving the kids to baseball practice or cooking dinner your mental wheels are turning. Even if you work for a traditional company I’m sure you face this too.

 

Do you ever feel like the “shoulds” overtake you? When that happens to me, I find that those nasty voices invite a few of their other mean girlfriends along to the party:

  • You’re not good enough.
  • You’re going to fail.
  • You’re falling behind.

Ever had these unwelcome visitors show up?  

 

So, being in a place where I was forced to lie low, I decided that I would take the opportunity to consciously choose to shout down the “shoulds” and let my body relax as it needed. My body needed my brain to focus on healing, not producing.

 

But now that I am able to be back at the computer, how am I going to handle the “shoulds?”

I’m glad you asked! My friends, it’s all about mind control.

 

Take command of your thoughts! It’s not something you can learn once and be done with it. You must make it a daily practice. The more you practice, the better you will get at catching your errant thoughts, the shuddering “shoulds” and the mean girl maniacs before they have a chance to kick off their shoes, put their feet up on the coffee table and commandeer the remote control.

 

Some tips to start your mind control practice:

 

TIP 1: Keep a DUMP LIST

I have an Evernote program on my phone and a spiral notebook on my desk. Whether I am home or away, I have a place to dump random thoughts about the To-Do list, things I “should” be doing or need to focus on. As the thought crosses my brain, I dump it. Then, when I am preparing my action list I can sort through the dump list and set my priorities with more focus.

 

TIP 2: DUMP at night

Everything that I can think of gets dumped onto the dump list at night before I go to bed. That way I don’t spend the night thinking about what didn’t get done or what “should” get done. And a lot of mornings, I wake up and look at that list and can immediately scratch some things off. What seemed so important at 10:00 pm reveals itself as a rabbit chase by 8:00 the next morning.

 

TIP 3: REFRAME Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’

This is where the real awareness and some work come into play. As you catch yourself saying “I should be doing…” or “I’m a failure because….” Or “I’ll never get….” just stop. Then create an affirmative statement to wipe out the bad one. Try something like this: “I know my priorities are aligned and I will finish what I have started.”  It doesn’t matter if you believe it right now. You just need to reframe your thinking in the moment.

 

Once you make it a practice to fight off the “shoulds,” you can start to see whether your activities are in line with your priorities. Busy-ness is not the same as productive. Are you trying to do more than you need? Are you trying to be too much to too many for too little? Where can you cut out the obligations that raise the “should” chorus and focus on the activities and events that bring value to your life?

 

Getting control of your “should” chorus is critical to manifesting your dream life and your abundant prosperity. Don’t make the mistake of hoping it will magically work itself out someday down the line. The “shoulds” will always be there to torment you until you design and implement your priorities, and raise your conscious awareness of your thought patterns. It takes work to get started but the more you do it, the better you’ll be at it.

 

Posted in Featured, Goals and Dreams, Taking Control of Your Life

SHOULD YOU ZOOM IN or ZOOM OUT?

I’ve always enjoyed photography and as I get better at it (and better digital cameras are available for a decent price) I like to play around with perspective.

 

Take a look at this picture of the dome of the Pantheon I took in Paris a few years ago.

 pantheon_crop

 

Beautiful, right? Looks like I’m up close and personal to this historic monument.

 

Now, look at the actual picture as I took it at full zoom.

 pantheon_far

 

I was actually about a mile away from the Pantheon and wanted to capture the way it can be glimpsed through the narrow Latin Quarter streets as you walk along the Seine. The distance picture created a different perspective on the view and put you into a different context. It changes what you thought you were looking at.  

 

Think about something that’s been bothering you lately. What if you took a different perspective on the problem? What if you could place the issue into a new context, or back up from it, or even get closer to it?

 

This week my sister found out that two people at her office who have been there for just a few months, and that she had trained, were promoted to full time positions over her. Even though she’d been talking about leaving this job for the past six months, she was hurting over the situation. The next morning at work there was a big celebration for these people and she was having a hard time holding it together and being happy for them.

 

I was able to help her find a new perspective. I told her to picture this job as a rest stop on a long road trip. She has been here for a while and the rest was needed. She had been driving long and hard and needed a break, she needed a place where the work was relatively easy and the expectations low. But eventually, she was going to get back in her car and leave the rest stop because she had a new destination to reach. She has skills and talents that far outpace the duties of this particular job.

 

These people who got promoted may have driven up to this rest stop in an RV and are planning to live here for a while. For them, this might be the best job they’ve ever had and they have no dreams of something else down the road like she does. A spot that has been a holding place in her life might actually be a dream come true for someone else. And that helped her to put it all into a larger perspective – the one where she moves on to a bigger and better job after her wedding this summer.

 

So how can you find a new perspective on something that’s got you twisted in knots? Here are three questions to ask yourself:

 

1) What am I really feeling?

Is it fear, rejection, anger, lack of trust? Naming how you feel about the situation is key to knowing what perspective is needed to reframe the situation. Sometimes it’s easier to blame others than to face out own feelings. My sister wanted to be angry at the people who were “too stupid” to see her talent at a job that she hated, when what she was really feeling was rejection, something that is very hard for her personality style to handle.

 

2) What is in my control at this moment?

Am I here because of some action I took or failed to take, or are other people affecting my destiny? If I got into this mess on my own, what is one thing I can do in the next 7 days to move on? If someone else’s action has caused the chaos, how can I choose a different reaction? Create a picture like the rest stop example that will help you to see where you are on the long, long, journey of life.

 

3) What will change without my effort?

Chances are, nothing will be different if you do nothing different. Being brave enough to ask yourself what you can do to move past this place changes your perspective. You can now create an action plan. Maybe it’s going to take some time to implement, but having a new plan is energizing in its own right, and actually implementing it is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.

  

A change in perspective isn’t just as simple as finding the silver lining in the storm clouds. It’s an action-based way to get back into the car, leave the rest stop and get back on your way. Do you need to get closer to the problem to see something, do you need to get further away, can you create a new context for this situation? You are in the driver’s seat so decide how long you’re going to stay stuck at this place.

  

 

Hey there, if you’re feeling like you’re stuck in a rut and don’t quite know where to begin to change your perspective so you can get unstuck, check out my audio series “How to Get Out of Your Rut and Back Onto the Road of Life.” tire_in_mud

 

Posted in Featured, Finding Your Path, Stuck in a Rut

AND SHE MIGHT BE BRUSHING LONGER!

 

Remember that old commercial for Aim toothpaste? It tasted good so kids might be brushing longer and, thereby, getting more fluoride onto those pearly whites.  

brush_teethLast week, I went to the dentist for the first time in about 18 months. I finally had both dental insurance and a little cash flow flexibility to take care of things, but I dreaded what was coming: cavities. I am an obsessive brusher and flosser and always get an A+ for my home care. But, I have very soft teeth with little enamel left to protect them and this is what I’ve come to expect. Without having kept up my usual every-six-months maintenance schedule, I was lucky to get out with only need 5 small fillings, 3 to replace cracked old ones.

As I was lying in that dentist chair listening to French lessons and motivational speakers to drown out the noise of the drills, I thought about that word: maintenance. What if I had been more diligent with my maintenance program? Would I be here now for a two hour appointment? Probably not. But there were elements of my usual routine over which I had no control for a long period of time so now I was playing catch-up. And there is always a cost associated with playing catch-up.

So what about the areas that we do have in our control but we stop doing the little things every day, the maintenance things, to keep ourselves on track?

In his book The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy outlines how it is the daily, little, seemingly inconsequential things that determine our destination. It’s the simple things that are easy to do, but also easy to NOT do that will keep us on course or take us off course. And NOT doing the little things will have a consequence, a cost for us.

But it can be overwhelming and counter-productive to try to micromanage every detail of every activity as a preventative move. So I am not suggesting we think like that.

No, what I am suggesting is that we bear in mind that the things we let slide will eventually come calling for attention, and that might come at a time of real inconvenience. For example, that double bacon cheeseburger you eat today won’t necessarily ruin your health. But failing to balance it with proper nutrition and exercise later today could mean that 8 years from now you are undergoing bypass surgery.

I’ve got 5 easy tips to keep up our Life Maintenance.

1)    Give Thanks

 At the end of the day, before you fall asleep, try to write down 5 things you are grateful for that day. They don’t have to be profound. Maybe one of them is that your child didn’t miss the school bus. Whatever they are, this daily simple act of acknowledging gratitude can be a powerful maintenance tool in your life.

2)    Compliment Someone

A recent study of workplaces found that if the boss/manager gave out just one compliment per day to just one person in the office, that tiny act boosted morale for the entire office by over 40%. Think of the relationships in your life – spouse, children, siblings, parents, co-workers, neighbors, strangers you see on a regular basis. If you offered just one of those people a compliment each day, you will be greasing the maintenance wheels of all of the other relationships without feeling personally drained.

3)    Think Before Chewing

 One area where 90% of us let our maintenance slip is in our eating habits. I think the best thing we can do in this area is to simply get into the habit/routine of asking ourselves a question before we start to shovel food into our mouths. That question is, “How does this serve my body?” Conscious choices rather than hand-to-mouth motions are an easy maintenance plan that could save your life!

 4)    Be a Chipmunk

Did you know that chipmunks spend more than 90% of their waking hours hiding food but their memory lasts less than 3 minutes? They are instinctively putting away food as a protection against starvation. We need to be that way with our finances. Every day, transfer at least one dollar to your savings account and empty any loose change into a jar. These are tiny amounts that are insignificant in a moment, but will have a profound impact in guarding against costly consequences when you come up against a maintenance-related emergency. It doesn’t have to be much. After all, the chipmunk can only hold small bits of food in its paws but it never runs out when the winter comes.

5)    Dream a Little Dream

Your future needs maintenance as well. Spend a minute every day envisioning your future life. You have a big goal, maybe several big goals. But part of reaching them is to envision what achieving those goals will mean for you. Where will you be living? What is the temperature? What view is out your window? Your dream needs daily vision maintenance, not just a daily to-do list.

Thankfully, my obsession with brushing and flossing as daily maintenance did a decent job thwarting a bigger problem. They are two little things that are simple to do, but simple to forget. It’s the doing that saved me from catastrophe. And, yes, I did use Aim toothpaste.

QUESTION: Want to add a tip of your own? We’d all benefit from your wisdom! Please post it below in the comments.

 

Posted in Featured, No Excuses, Taking Control of Your Life
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About Kim
Kim Schuld will kick your life journey into high gear by helping you to clarify your priorities, find your purpose, and set your new course.
Kim Schuld, The Life Journey Coach